The Girl that gets the B-Sides......"for the love of music"....


1:12 PM

Caterpillars / Demons and Ghosts from the past

I saved a caterpillar today! As I was on my first break of the morning I saw a caterpillar in the middle of the parking lot, I walked passed it and started thinking too much about the poor thing and turned around and picked it up and put it in a nearby flowerbed. It made me feel good. Although perhaps it was heading somewhere in particular and I fucked it all up for it. I continued on my walk while listening to Wilco’s “Summerteeth” on my ipod.
As for the Demons…… a friend of mine (pete, the keyboard player in “sometimes” mike watts band) asked me once years ago, if I got rid of all my demons yet. And for some reason I keep coming back to this question in my head. I could only think he was referring to “relationships” because I was in one at the time with someone he knew as well. There was much alcohol consumed in the very long conversation we were having that night so I never really answered him.Demons could mean anything about relationships! I don’t remember where I was going with this, so this is where “Ghosts from the past” comes up in my head.

I used to have some relationship issues in my past, I guess you can say “commitment” wasn’t for me, though it always sounded like something I needed or wanted. Obviously not the case! I used to compare everyone I dated to one guy and no one ever held a candle to him. I finally met someone that changed all that. He opened my eyes. He was a good listener/talker. Of course I fell for him…..we met up twice a year for about 3 years then it just stopped. Mainly because he lives 3,000 miles away and I didn’t have a job and I was pretty unstable (how attractive is that!) ha ha.
As we kept in contact, we dated others because we both knew long distance relationships just don’t work…. I didn’t need to try, then get hurt – to understand THAT! So comes the ghost from the past reference…. Why is it that most of the time ghosts from the past come at totally wrong times, I mean they usually show up when you are involved with other people, the timing usually sucks. However that isn’t the case with me, I’m just afraid to know what his deal is. Ever since I met him all those years ago, I haven’t stopped thinking about him. It’s just one of those situations where you “click” in every way. “too good to be true”. If he is married then I can just keep living the way I have been but if he’s not…….hmmm…. do I want to know?

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